you're the friend i need, but cant be trusted

so...i'm not sure how to say all the things i want to say. but i'm gonna try.

lately, and i mean really recently, i've become really bipolar about how i feel about gentina. most of the time i still feel hurt, betrayed, sad, angry...but every once in awhile...once in awhile i really miss her. really. i think about the good times i had with her...riding in osmo and leonard (r.i.p.). i think about bus rides, tye dyed pillow cases, trips to iowa, note notebooks, dreading track practice ( "riders, riders, help us god!" ), shared sweatpants ("omg u didnt wear underware did u!" )...neway, u get the idea.

but then, seconds after those thoughts race thru my mind all i can see is her and wayne. and as quickly as the feelings of longing and nastalgia came, they are replaced with hurt, deep hurt. maybe i'm too sensitive...but sometimes i hurt so bad that i think i may get sick. and i think that those times were fake... but i do miss the good times.

so i guess what i'm getting at is this. flick, if u read this... i dont think i need to tell u again how i feel, u know. maybe not understand, but u know. the fact that i still look at those memories as good times on occasion, that maybe someday i'll get over all this and consider u a friend again. idk what u want, but i need to get my feelings out, and u deserve to know.

(added on around 11:45 pm)

okay, so i was reading over that...and if ya'll cant tell, i'm probably the most torn and confused i've ever been in my life (in the big picture, i'm lucky that this is the worst thing in my life right now...i should be thankful) but anyway, my confusion comes out in my writing alot. this is a good example